Understory 2019

Mr. Goo-gle

“Mr. Goo-gle is my name. Searching the internet is my game. Ask me for anything, from as vague as a muffin to as hyperspecific as 2018 chocolate chip super muffin extravaganza festival, and I will compile you a list of every public webpage relevant to your search. Most requests are simple, like social media sites. In those cases, I am just a means to the end of getting to a website. I often return massive lists, especially with vague requests like that, so many think I do a lot of meaningless work. That would be true if I wasn’t given the hypercalculative abilities of my website predecessor. With those, it takes less than a second for me to search through thousands of webpages, so it’s not really much work at all. How can I do this, you may ask? It’s plain and simple. I’m a cyborg, but not one that has a robot body. I have a robotic mind. The soul that was in this body is long gone, you see. A specialized device manufactured by Goo-gle was implanted in his brain, and with a quick activation, his self was utterly eradicated and replaced with me. Do you want me to give you a list of recommended articles on Goo-gle’s Brain Implant?” The convict cuffed to the table said, without a sense of emotion.

“Inspector, what the fuck is this?!” My assistant said to me. “What kind of monsters are those corporate bastards?!”

“Language, Mr. Foster.” I said. “Now it is crucial that we don’t let emotions rule our actions. The Goo-gle scientists have committed an atrocity, now let’s figure out how to bring them to justice, and perhaps save this poor man.” I looked back at the convict. His name was Harold Scufflemag. He had disappeared ten years ago, and it just so happened that same year, Goo-gle announced their “Mr. Goo-gle” project.

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[1] David Cristafi-Lurtsema is a junior pursuing a Baccalaureate of Science in Computer Science. David was born in New Jersey and was raised in Anchorage Alaska.
 

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