Mama says "No Dinginess"
Lily’s mother and her idea of a ‘good living’ has greatly influenced Lily’s character and her perception of the world, shaping it in the faith that no matter what it costs, one must have a good cook and be what according to her standard was “decently dressed” (Wharton 30). The idea of being decently dressed--of presenting a polished front on the outside no matter what turmoil goes on inside is important as it is the core of Lily’s struggles later. She overvalues external appearances.
Mrs. Bart's idea of a good living further adds to Lily's taste for grandeur and "richness", as her mom enforces the idea that,
"If people lived like pigs, it was from choice, and through the lack of any proper standard of conduct. This gave her a sense of reflected superiority, and [...] naturally lively taste for splendor" (Wharton 30).
The disgust towards “dinginess” and “living like pigs” has been passed on from mother to daughter, and thus the taste for splendor and superiority which Lily gains from her perceptions of a ‘good’ life and struggles so hard to hold on to, tells us a lot about why she fails to adapt to the rough times and therefore is doomed. Lily has been taught to be so repulsed by the idea of "living like pigs" that living a simple life has never occurred to her.
Thus, in a way, Lily, who shares the same idea as her mother that “acquiescence in dinginess was evidence of stupidity” (Wharton 88), has specific ideas of societal expectations enforced by her mother’s ideologies of living and once she fails to meet these societal expectations, it becomes a personal failure. Because it was enforced by the women in her life, most importantly enforced by her mother, Lily accepts that it must be right. Because more often than not, society teaches us girls to follow the footsteps of our mother, even at times when they may not necessarily be right.
Wharton, Edith. The House of Mirth. Penguin Classics, 1986.
