Amazon return center. OPERATOR sits CS at table with phone headset and wireless keyboard. There is a fake plant on the table. We can only hear their side of the conversation.

Scene begins at the end of the previous call.

OPERATOR:
Thank you for calling Amazon, have a great afternoon.

Hangs up. Pause.
SFX: Phone rings.
OPERATOR picks up the call.

OPERATOR:
Hello and good evening! Thank you for contacting Amazon, my name is (cuts out). May I get your email and name as it appears on the account?

Pause while OPERATOR listens and types simultaneously.

OPERATOR:
Thank you so much, just give me one moment please.

Types.

OPERATOR:
All right, perfect! I now have access to your account I just need a little more information to confirm your identity. Can you answer your security question please? (pause) What is the rising sign of your second God child?

Pause.

OPERATOR:
Gemini? Oh, I know they’re probably a handful. Just give me a few more moments.

Typing.

OPERATOR:
Perfect! I have confirmed your identity. Would you like to set up multi-factor identification while you’re on the phone? It will make this process much more difficult next time!

OPERATOR:
No? No problem. How may I assist you today?

Listens briefly. Types.

OPERATOR:
Yes ma’am. I understand you would like to return this item. May I ask the reason?

Listens, types.

OPERATOR:
Hmmm, I don’t believe we can do backsies. Can you hold one moment while I check on that for you?

Emphatically presses the HOLD button, a little exasperated OPERATORS facial expression changes to show it.

OPERATOR:
(Addressed to Karin-Zelle,  off SL.) Damn girl! Not another return! They should issue a recall at this point.

Types. After a moment, takes caller off hold, face lights up again.

OPERATOR:
Thank you for holding. I have confirmed that unfortunately that item IS under a “no backsies” return policy. I am sorry to say that you are just stuck with it.

Listens, types.

OPERATOR:
Well, I certainly do understand. But an exchange really isn’t possible either. Believe me, if that item could be returned or exchanged, I would be right beside you, but who would take it?

Listens, doesn’t type.

OPERATOR:
No, I’m sorry ma’am, but we just can’t take it back. There’s no way, even if we wanted to exchange the year, how would we begin to exchange 2020? For bad or good, there is nothing that could begin to replace it – or even come close. I’m afraid you will just have to live with the experience. But I can offer you a brand new Denial package to help ease the memory! We have a special sale going on! Only $59.99! It won’t get rid of 2020, but it should help bury it deep inside.

Listens.

OPERATOR:
Okay then, it’s your choice. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

Listens.

OPERATOR:
No? All right. Thank you for calling Amazon, have a great afternoon.

Hangs up. Pause.
SFX: Phone rings.
OPERATOR picks up call.

OPERATOR:
Hello and good evening! Thank you for contacting Amazon, (lights out).

As OPERATOR is exiting, THE NOSE enters from USL, stops, and checks out the audience, maybe hits on someone in the front row, then runs back towards tech booth. This should be long enough to give performer playing OPERATOR/CAT LADY time to get in place for ZOOMIES.

ACTOR/STAGEHAND brings on Zoom Box, strikes table (and contents).