D’LECTURE is standing SR at a podium, with projection screen UCS. During the lecture, a slide-deck appears on projection screen with the current date: March, 2233 (ideally the day/date is changed to match the current date, e.g. March 1, 2233, etc). He is wearing a tweed jacket, or something similarly pretentious.

D’LECTURE
Hello and welcome back to CMST 2023: Everything you always wanted to know about masks, but we're afraid to ask. I hope that you all enjoyed your Mardi Gras break and got a chance to gain some personal experience in The Art of Masking. As a reminder, so far in this course we have glazed over what I consider the most prolifignant masks from pre-history, history, and the modern era. And now, in this next unit we will move into the post-historic era: Masking in The time of Coronavirus (Slide). This is when it gets exciting! Coming up on the 21st Century we see the advention of a supposedly functional, definititively controversial mask. And one that is quite unmagnifigantly called: The Face-Mask.

Slide: I Hate Wearing This.

While The Face-Mask had been used as a regularity in many non-American cultures for quite some time, The Great Pandemi Moore of 2020 brought this artificies about to the knowledge of the whole world community. How, you might ponder to yourselves, will this knowledge advance you in today’s recomented halls of higher learning? As a college student of the 23rd century, how indeed? But I say to you, that by understanding the illigent nature of those contemporaneous beliefs that perfluated the years between 2020 and 2025, when we finally saw the eradicalization of the SARS-CoV-2 (Slide-COVID take-over – stretches out and fills with nonsense sound-words, like “Ceasar Salad” “Sarah Paulson”) virus and the end of the Pandemonium, through this we can better understand the chaos and malitrusence that fermentated during those torrent years. Indeed, as lifelong learners we must ask the all important question: How did we Learn to Stop Worrying and Love the Mask? (Slide) To brevify my overview and help you organize the commentation of your notetaking, I will simply state this: Today’s lecture will cover the not-quite-comprehensivity of anatomical features that contaminated the construction of The Face-Mask: What is its history? From what is it constructed to cause such dignation? And how was it most likely used to full efficacy during the tersest years of the Pananaramabangbang?

These questions, and more, I will try to illustriate in today’s session. Prior to this Panera Bread we keep talking about, this time of isolitary, this time of deep dives (leans to one corner) and deeper debts (leans to the other corner). Many in the non-face-masking cultures were unaware of the profalactic qualities that three thin strips of woven cotton could affluate the wearer – and even afterwards, many denied – or voraciously opposed – any effort to prolongate themselves or their fellow personalities. This un-thought-out belief led to a mis-usage of the precious commodification of The Face-Mask. One Hundred and One Things not to do with a Mask some might say. Cloudy with a Chance of Masks, others might regurgitate. A response. An answer. How to Succeed at Masking without Really Trying was easy for some, while Love in the Time of Masks, confounded others. Around the World in 80 Masks never quite worked, because ivariately there was always a Curious Incident of a Mask in the Night-Time. This all became common and iressant in this Panini era, to the point which many were asking themselves, Are you there Mask? It’s Me, Margaret.

Now, (crosses onstage) we taciturn to look more closely at the construction (Slide), we can ask ourselves, Do androids Dream of Electric Masks? Or is it just our own Pride and Prejudice against those who choose to relagate them? Popular belief recognizes that the common Face-Mask is made up of simple layers of woven fabric that are then synched-up with the biorhythms of the wearer’s aural processes – or less common, tied around the back of the head. But historical studies have discubriated that there is more to these processes than was scrutable by the general population of the time. In relity, the particulates of the air between the layers (Slide) were imbibed with hope, placing a barrier in the public consciousness and elevating awareness of those who were concerned, (back at podium) and those who went around licking my mint chocolate chip vanilla fudge please and thank you ice cream.

But this still doesn’t answer the most impotent question: How to Do Things with Masks? Or, for a more inperfelated approach - How to wear the common face mask? It is a simple question really, but one that will need some physical explicating.

OMICRON enter to model the following masking techniques.

D’LECTURE
We have, for instance: (names are also projected on PowerPoint on PROJECTION SCREEN)
Hang Loose.
Quick Drink.

(D'LECTURE mimes pouring water into OMICRON’S mask).

Guns Blazing.
The Mummy.
Peekabo.
Puss N’Boots.
The Fully Monty.

MUSIC: “Speaking Moistly”  by anonymotif fades in.

UNPAID INTERN enters from SR and quietly ushers D’LECTURE off stage, taking the podium with her. The following names continue to be projected on the PowerPoint/PROJECTION SCREEN while OMICRON continues to demonstrate:

Meow. Stevie Nicks. Bump N’Grind. California King. California Girl. Couch Potato. Nature’s Promise.

Final masking technique is held.

Beat.

OMICRON exits USL.