As I have mental health issues myself, I am keenly aware that the support offered to those of us Students undergoing mental health struggles on UC San Diego campus, isn’t very helpful and certainly did not bring comfort to me. I know I am not the only one who feels lonely and isolated on UCSD campus. We were all shaken by recent news of a fellow UCSD student who leapt to his death.
As a 62-year old graduating Student, I don’t fit neatly into groups and I don’t have buddies to share my troubles with. Most of the time I isolate and when I do have to be amongst people - in class or at work - I perform as though I am just the most confident person and do not have a care in the world; everything is just super-duper! Inside, I’m fearful, doubtful of my own worth and abilities; terribly critical and harshly judgemental of myself. I desperately needed some kindness and loving guidance on my terrifying journey as a teensy-weensy fishlet in the vast, aloof Ocean that is UCSD, but the help I was able to find didn’t alleviate my mental discomforts.
I tell my own story in my mini-documentary, and use my own voice-over in the shots of the oh-so-depressing buildings on campus. Indeed my B-Roll is comprised of 3 ugly buildings: Galbraith Hall, Center Hall and the Humanities and Social Sciences building. Part of the reason for my depressive states, were the buildings on UCSD campus. Some are just so concretey and prison-like; cold, unfriendly, loud, frightening. Shots of the buildings illustrated my story and how hard it is to lift myself out of hopelessness on campus. Additionally, shots of the utterly unwelcoming entrance to the Office for Students with Disabilities tucked behind Center Hall speak volumes, while CAPS under Galbraith Hall reminded me of a bullet-ridden warzone in Yugoslavia, with a security door displaying peeling letters that were barely legible: “Counselling and Psychological services”!
I learned that when I really want something, nothing can stop me. I really wanted to learn everything I possibly could and I was excited and stimulated by my Education at UCSD, even though it was incredibly challenging every single day.. And in this class I also had to find my own way, ask for help and figure out how to do what I wanted to get done. I’m surprised by how hard I was willing to work to overcome my serious technological deficits and learn the super high-tech computer requirements. I’m disappointed by how slowly it sinks in with me and how much practice it’s going to take until my documentaries look vaguely professional and my fingers fly through Premiere Pro and Scalar! Amazingly however, despite serious personal and family challenges, I made it, I think…!
My Aura is located right across from Professor Patty Ahn’s office in the Communications building, Thurgood Marshall College, on UCSD campus. I chose this image “It’s all over”, because that’s how I feel when I’m completely stressed out and overwhelmed!
