HOW LIFE HAS MADE ME WHO I AM
by Peter Barela
For almost everyone, the most important people that partake in the influential teachings of a young child are family members. For me, that statement is no different. I grew up with five sisters and three brothers. My dad owned and managed two businesses and therefore was not home a whole lot. Consequently, the majority of my most impactful years were influenced by my mom, who taught me every- thing I needed to know in terms of how to be an adult, and how to be loving, caring, and empathetic toward others. Meanwhile, my sisters would make sure that I held myself to higher expectations and would keep me in line if ever I strayed too far off the tracks. Both my mom and my sisters would tag team and preach how to treat women, what things were most important in life, and how a healthy personality can have a positive impact on others. I dutifully took notes and grew up always open to constructive criticism from others, even if it did not come from family. With all of these role models, I became a very helpful, self-sufficient, and mature young individual. Then, when I was about fourteen, I began to work with my dad more often, and I was fortunate enough to see and learn from a more masculine point of view—how one can be the best version of themselves. One of my dad’s businesses is a big game guiding service, meaning people pay him a certain quantity of money to hunt animals in Alaska, such as moose or bear. In the spring, my dad does different show circuits around the U.S., where he will travel to different cities and partake in grand sports shows where thousands of vendors from all over the world show up and display their services. Due to the fact that I was homeschooled for practically my entire life, I was able to travel all over the country with my dad and still continue with my regular studies. During our travels, I met people from all over the world, while simultaneously, my dad taught me more about how to be self-driven and autonomous, how to be more social, how to straighten my shoulders and carry myself with confidence, and also how to be in the moment and enjoy everything life has to give. I also learned that there is a lot more to the world than simple Wasilla, Alaska. The lessons taught by my mom and sisters allowed me to be more thoughtful about planning for the future, while my dad taught me that it is okay to be a kid sometimes, and that it is important to enjoy the richness of life for every moment it is given to us. Both of these strong influences as a young child exemplify how I became a more mature individual at an earlier age.
However, direct family influence was not the only impactful part of my childhood. From having two older sisters who had previously done exchanges, my family knew that the most effective way to learn a language was through the utilization of immersion. Consequently, my family and I worked on finding suitable environments that could facilitate my learning the German language in Switzerland, which became a reality shortly after my sixteenth birthday. My knowledge of the German language was practically nothing when I left my home, and traveled across the world to live with a family whom I had never even met in person before. I, therefore, felt very unprepared, out of my depth, and the challenges that were presented to me were extremely daunting. However, over the course of the year that I spent studying abroad in Europe, I increased my knowledge about myself and about life itself. For instance, I learned that sometimes the greatest and most rewarding experiences in life are those that start out as the most uncomfortable and unlikeliest of scenarios. I also learned that it is okay to ask for help or to not always know the answer to a problem. Finally, I noticed that pushing oneself, especially in uncomfortable situations, is sometimes the most effective way to grow as an individual. The hard work, time, and energy that one puts into something do ultimately get returned in a positive way, even if that work does not immediately get reflected.
In life, every individual goes through certain hardships, and these trials and tribulations can be seen as either negative or positive experiences. For example, when I was twelve, one of our closest family friends died while fighting a second round of cancer. This was the first time that I had ever felt the feeling of true loss, sadness, and questioning. I could not understand why someone so tough, thoughtful, down-to-earth, and impactful in so many individuals’ lives could be taken away. However, from this grieving process, I also asked myself the question, “If I were to suddenly pass away tomorrow, and I were never to see this earth again, who would I leave behind with a changed outlook on life. Who will remember me for being a positive role model in their life?” Since then, I have strived to have a positive impact on anyone that I meet. Even if it is something small, like complimenting someone’s smile or making eye contact, and greeting a passerby. After losing someone that I truly loved, I learned that time is the most precious resource anyone has in their life, and I decided that I did not want to be the kind of individual to squander that gift. However, that was not the most arduous experience that I went through. Shortly after I turned fifteen, my mom came out as a lesbian, and explained that she wanted a divorce with my dad. What stung probably more, or rather what I found more disturbing, was that she was already in a relationship with someone else. While my life seemed to be unraveling, I simultaneously started to notice more of the faults that my mom had, such as her compulsive need for control. Up to that summer, my mom was who I trusted the most in the world, and within a week, it felt like someone had taken my world and put it through a washer filled with spaghetti and bricks. My family history had always been complicated, but never quite to the extent that I had experienced up to that summer. The following several months were the darkest I had ever experienced, which ultimately led up to my year abroad, where I was undeniably welcomed into the healthiest family environment that I had ever experienced. After a short break from the constant stress and negative environment that I consistently felt enveloped in, I started to realize how dark the world had previously seemed to become. I was able to take a step back and make observations about how much I was disliking life, and that fact did not sit well with me. I made the decision to search the situation for a positive outlook, which is when I realized that my mom had spent the better part of our healthy relationship trying to prepare me for life. Part of those lessons were how to deal with difficult people, and how to learn and grow from the uncomfortable parts of life. In essence, my mom was unintentionally grooming me for the exact kind of situation that she would ultimately produce. This meant that I had all of the tools that I needed to work through the situation, and being able to do so meant that my mom had been a good parent. Moreover, I realized that I could decide to turn the negative feeling much into a positive and strengthening experience. This realization forever changed the way that I take on life and personal challenges. I decided that no one else could choose how negative my world seemed because, ultimately, the only person that could make that judgment call is myself. This ultimately led to me being able to be much happier and be more prepared for life situations and challenges.
In conclusion, in life, every individual is influenced by unique experiences, special interactions, and difficult challenges. These parts of life are what mold us into who we are and who we have yet to become because growth in life never stops. Some parts of life are great, such as my time abroad. Some parts are not so easy, such as the growth needed when a loved one passes away. Yet, when personally looking at my experiences and the trials that have influenced my character, I believe that I am mature for my age, loving, hardworking, and a responsible young adult.
Peter Barela is a first-year student at Mat-Su College. Selected by Annette Hornung.