Reflecting on the Present, Parker
I am currently sitting in a Panera as I do every Sunday to work on school work. As I was eating a Napa Valley Chicken Salad sandwich (my favorite), I was listening to a song that was playing in the restaurant. In this song, the singer kept repeating that “there is no future in the past.” I am not sure if I agree with that statement. Certainly, reflecting on the past can dig up old graves, but it also reminds us of who we are and how far we have come. This past year has been the hardest to date. Though I removed myself from a toxic academic environment, I met new obstacles this year as I navigated through new relationships and struggled with coming of age as I approach my senior year. In light of these struggles, if I were to create a scrapbook for future students to look through, I would include a picture of a tribute we did to Aphra Behn in Dr. Bonnell’s Restoration play class, a card my friend made for Valentine’s Day, my SISTAR grant acceptance letter, my roommate’s Chimes pieces, and a ticket to a movie that I saw on a date at Debartolo Performing Arts Center.
As I reflect upon my experience of analyzing the past through our digitization project, I recognize the importance of preserving as much as possible so we can better understand ourselves and those who lived decades and even centuries before us. As I said when I presented on this project at the May Symposium, I am an English major and, therefore, I romanticize everything so I am utterly enthralled by the concept of someone transcending the boundaries of time by preserving their own voice and artifacts. This act of preservation helps us understand why humans are the way that they are.
As I consider my experience as a Saint Mary’s student, I am overcome by how my professors and friends empowered me to use my voice. My artifacts certainly reflect this as well, as they all speak to how my voice evolved during this one year at SMC. First, the picture of the Aphra Behn tribute would demonstrate to future archivists and students that SMC’s mission is to uplift women’s voices, as our class tossed paper flowers upon a paper reconstruction of Behn’s grave to thank her for paving the way for women writers. Next, my SISTAR grant acceptance letter would demonstrate that I had grown in confidence in my academic abilities and that, similar to celebrating Behn, Dr. Short and the English department at SMC are committed to helping me and other students establish our own voices in an academic world that is often overwhelmingly dominated by male voices. Additionally, archivists and students would also see that I am interested in uplifting other women’s voices in addition to my own through my inclusion of the Chimes pieces written by my roommate and greatest friend, Caroline Dutton.
Finally, the last two artifacts (the Valentine and the movie ticket) define how I evolved in a relationship and maintained my own voice. The Valentine from my friend, Grace, includes a quotation from Plato that reads: “Love is a serious mental disease.” Over the past year, I entered into a relationship, and it became very complicated and turbulent. During one of the low points, Grace gave me this card to make me feel better, and it honestly did make me feel better. In addition to this, I would include the movie ticket from Strangers in Paradise, because it reminds me of a happy and adoring moment with this partner, even though I decided it would be best to officially end things with him a few days later. Though these two objects are only linked by the person I was seeing, they symbolize how I care immensely for this person, but finally chose to care about myself more.
As I reflect on these objects and what they mean to me, I want future students to know that things will be hopeful and progressive and that they will also be disappointing and regressive. I think that this reality speaks to the mission of trying to understand humans in all their complexity. For instance, though I mourn the fact that the timing was incredibly off in my romantic relationship and miss that person terribly, I want future students to know that the support system I developed with students and faculty at Saint Mary’s helped me maintain my voice and identity in a situation that tried to make me small and compliant. Though these realizations certainly do not offer answers to every nuance and detail about human nature, they can demonstrate to future students that we are seldom alone in our struggles and that we have more in common with one another than we think. I would like to think that many decades from now, an unsure 21-year-old girl who is similar to myself will look through my scrapbook and feel understood and comforted by the fact that I was able to learn more about myself and discovered how to advocate for myself as a Saint Mary’s student.