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BodiesMain MenuForewordA brief introductionIndexA stylistic catalog of contentWhat is Body?What is Body? (1/5)What is Self?What is Self? (1/3)What is Gender?What is Gender? (1/1)Who am I?Who am I? (1/1)Amanda Liaw8f1ce7dd0123985bc062c4070739891182ee722e
Subconscious
12019-03-16T17:13:36-07:00Amanda Liaw8f1ce7dd0123985bc062c4070739891182ee722e328384What is Gender: Journal #10plain2019-03-19T06:27:24-07:00Amanda Liaw8f1ce7dd0123985bc062c4070739891182ee722eWho am I?Who am I? (1/1)
August 2016 - November 2018
I came back to America after a summer away determined to liberate myself sexually. I wanted to conquer as many men as I could. At the time, I believed I was being hyper-aware of my presentation - I dress in a way that highlights my Asian-ness, at least just a tad, while counter-acting it with some sort of punk aesthetic. I don't flirt so much as try to be one of the boys and hope some charm exudes that way. This means being open, taking a joke, looking at other women. I knew what I wanted and it wasn't commitment of any kind.
The first time I actually had sex in eight months, the second person I've ever had sex with, I was nervous. I couldn't tell if I actually wanted it or if I was forcing myself to. I didn't understand why my body would react so hesitantly to a situation I'd willingly put myself in. I didn't trust it to know what to do and it didn't trust me to know what I wanted. I don't think, even now, I'd be able to have sex with a new stranger sober.
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12019-03-13T22:03:13-07:00Amanda Liaw8f1ce7dd0123985bc062c4070739891182ee722eWhat is Gender?Amanda Liaw13What is Gender? (1/1)timeline8496792019-03-19T06:26:23-07:00Amanda Liaw8f1ce7dd0123985bc062c4070739891182ee722e