Bodies

Who am I?

While we may learn to become the narrator and the hero of our own story, we are not able to become the author of our own life. [20]


I am nine when my dad buys me my first diary. It's a beautiful purple hardcover with a magnetic clasp and I fill it with pages of lyrics, crushes, and frustrations.

I am ten when I discover I love to write. I am rewarded for it at school. I publish fanfiction on the Internet anonymously for what must have been other children at the time. 

I am twelve when I start a blog with a local publishing company using repurposed fanfiction.

I am fifteen when I first meet my boyfriend. It becomes too difficult to write down all my thoughts, so I type them instead. Occasionally I speak into a camera.

I am sixteen when my family moves. I find all thirteen of my old diaries, stuffed with over 200 shitty song lyrics, and I throw them all away, ashamed.

I am seventeen when I've had possibly the last fight with my boyfriend. I open my laptop and take a video of myself as I sit in silence, unthinking. It lasts 30 minutes.

I am eighteen when I declare myself a feminist and bisexual. I am so angry at many things. I work my ass off, am proud of myself for the first time in a long time, and vow to never get married.

I am nineteen when I move to America. Before I leave, I film something small about my family and what I'm leaving behind. America is strange and scary at first. I hardly understand the English everyone is speaking because it all flows by so fast.

I am twenty and I've adjusted well. I never want to go home.

I am twenty one and it's taking me a long time to answer my own questions.

I am twenty two and it's taking me a long time to answer my own questions.

I am turning twenty three with only more questions. I try to be an author and I try to think for myself. I try to define who I am. 

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