281 - Final Project - a.a.

the sun and her flowers - page 76

On page 76, and untitled poem, Kaur is laying out her night after an assault. She breaks this down by talking about each hour: the first, second, third, and fourth. The poem seems soothing at first – describing a relaxing bath with flowers, oils, milk, honey, and salt. Then she writes, “desperate to wash the dirty off” (76). This line leads the reader to experience the shift in tone and the emphasis placed on “desperate” and “dirty”. It is no longer thought to be a peaceful night of self-care, but rather a night of reparation. Each line, it becomes more and more obvious that the “dirty” she is referring to is related to sexual assault, but it is clearest in the phrase, “i found bits of him on bits of me” (76). Prior to that line, though, Kaur writes of weeping – howling – which illustrates the sadness and terror that is a result of such an event. Then, when the incident is obvious to the reader, Kaur’s language becomes blunter and slightly gruesome: “the white between my legs / not mine… the blood / mine” (76).
 
As a reader, to imagine these things Kaur describes is sickening and frustrating. Her body has been violently marked by someone else without her consent. By starting the poem with soft words and a calm setting, an intense juxtaposition is made between that and the horror of the last lines, which reflects the mindset of a victim. Imagine a woman, dirty and scarred from the experience she just had, coming home and the first thing she wants to do is treat herself to a warm and healing bath. That shows much strength and poise; yet the traumatic emotions are still evident as the poem proceeds. This set up of the poem could be a metaphor for the mental steps that follow a sexual assault event – the scene of the bath could align with actions that are taken to try to forget and ignore what happened, but then the “howling” combines the sadness and terror along with the graphic physical descriptions, and the end resembles a cry for help: “the fourth hour i prayed” (76). Through the changing tone of this poem, readers experience the raw and genuine feelings that Kaur intends to express in order to portray the realities of sexual assault. 
 

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