| Transcription | English Translation |
|---|
| Fäncy Bauere | Fancy Farmers |
| Das Sprichwort sagt, es gibt verschiedene Wege for en Hund todt zu schlage. Sell is sehr wohr, awer net just in Bezug uf die Hundtodtschlagerei. Es gibt ah verschiedene Wege for schier ehning eppes sunst zu duh. So gebt es ah verschiedene Wege for zu bauere. Es gibt besonders drei Wege, die in Fäschen sin, nämlich: | The saying goes that there are different ways to kill a dog. This is very true, but not just in relation to dog-killing. There are also different ways to do lots of other things. As such, there are also different ways to farm. There are three ways in particular, which are currently in fashion and those are: |
| Erstens der alt Weg, noch dem die Leut sich schinne un schier todt ploge. Sie schaffe alles von Hand un glaube net an Maschine. Sie losse die Hinkel der ganz Winter uf den Bähm schlofe, das Vieh steht den ganze Dag im kalte Wind, die Mistbrüh laaft die Straß naus, die Wäge Un Plüg stehen das ganz Johr im Wetter un sin net angestrichen, die große Buwe laafe schier alsfort rum fische un schieße. Die Sort Bauere könne ken Zeitung halte un nix an die Kerch bezahle, bekahs, die Zeite sin alsfort hart, das Geld is rar, un sie hen schier lauter Fehljohr. | Firstly, the old way, where people struggle and toil and almost work themselves to death. They do everything by hand and don't believe in machines. They let the hens sleep on the trees all winter, the livestock is left in the cold wind all day; the manure overflows onto the road; the carts and plough stand in the weather all year round and are not painted; the older boys just keep running around fishing and shooting. This farmer can't keep up a newspapers subscription and can't give anything to their church because to them times are always hard, money is scarce, and they rarely have a good harvest. |
| Zweitens der recht Weg. Die Sort Bauere schaffe ah hart, aber es kummt ah eppes raus. Sie hen Sähmaschine, Dreschmaschine u. s. w. Das Vieh hot warme Ställ, die Hinkel hen schöne Häuser, ihr Land is in gut Order un sie hen ah immer Geld. | Secondly, the right way. This farmer works hard as well, but it pays off. They have sowing machines, threshing machines and so on. The livestock has a warm stable; the chickens have nice coops; the land is in good order and the farmer always has money. |
| Drittens den Fäncy Weg. Ueber den Weg hab ich das Meiste zu sage. Die Sort Leut bauere nach dem Buch, wie mer sagt. Sie wisse nix aus Erfahrung vom Bauere, hen aber allerhand wilde, närrische Fäncy Noschens darüber, die sie aus Büchern gelernt hen. In den große Stadt gibts viel so Fäncy Bauere, die en große Bisnis in der Stadt un en klehne Bauerei im Land hen. (Ofkohrs dat en klehne Bisnis im Land un en große Bauerei in der Stadt net geh.) Do war z. B. der Horace Greeley von New-York, der hot so en Fäncy Bauerei g'hatt, aber wie ich hör' hot's schier all der Profit von der Druckerei genumme for die Bauerei im Gang zu halte. For en Beweis wie des Fäncy Bauers geht, welle mer do abgewe, was der Mark Twain üwer dem große Parrer Beecher sein Bauerei sagt: | Thirdly, the fancy way. I have the most to say about this one. This sort of people farms by the book, as they say. They don't know anything about farming from experience, but they have all sorts of wild, foolish notions about it that they've learned from books. In the big city there are many such crazy farmers who have a big business in the city and a small farm in the country. (Of course, a small business in the country and a big farm in the city would not work). There was Horace Greeley of New York, for example, who had such a small farm, but I hear that it took all the profit from the printing press to keep the farm going. For a proof of how the fanciful farmer works, let's read what Mark Twain says about the great Rev. Beecher's farming: |
| „Dem Parrer Beecher seine Bauerei is 36 Acker groß un es werd alles genau noch dem Buch geschafft.' Es werd geplugt, gesäet un geernt wie die Bücher sage, un die Bücher kosten mehner, wie der Bauereistock. Alsemol hot des Buchbauere ah sei Nachtheil. Zum Beispiel, emohl, wie es Zeit war mit dem Heumache anzufange, war des Buch verlore, un wie sie es gefunne hen, war die Heuet vorbei, un sie hen sell Johr lauter Bohnestecke un Hecke füttere müsse. Dem Beecher sei Fäncy is des Säuufziehe. Er kahft junge Milchsäu für $1.50 das Stück, füttert jedem $10 werth Welschkorn, un verkahft sie dann for $8 das Stück. Es is wohr, er verliert uf's Welschkorn, aber er macht uf die Säu, un beseits, er hot mehner Frehd an den Säu, wie an dem Welschkorn. Die Säubisnis is wirklich des einzig Ding uf der Bauerei, das bezahlt. Das Säurehse hot zweh gute Points - erstens bezahlt es, un zweitens hen sie die Pläsir, die Säu sehne wachse. | “The Rev. Beecher's farm has 36 acres and everything is done exactly according to the book. It is ploughed, sown and harvested like the books say, and the books cost as much as the farm. Sometimes this way of “book farming” also has its disadvantages. For example, once, when it was time to start haymaking, the book was lost, and when they found it again, the time to make hay was over and they had to feed all the livestock bean straw and hedges [?] for a whole year. Beecher's favorite pastime is raising pigs. He buys piglets for $1.50 a piece, feeds them each $10 worth of corn, and then sells them for $8 a piece. It's true, he loses on the corn, but he makes money on the pigs, and he says he enjoys the pigs much more compared to the corn. The pigs are really the only thing on his farm that pays. Pig farming really has two good points - firstly, it pays, and secondly, it comes with the pleasure of seeing the piglets grow up. |
| Ehns von dem Mister Beecher seine größte Diffikulties is, daß viel von dem Saamensach so gleich guckt. Zweh Johr zurück hot er en große Spekuleschen mit Wassermelone mache wolle, und hot 57 Acker geplanzt, awer wie sie mol ufgange sin, wore es lauter Kerbse. Sell hot der Beecher verzernt, un sitter sellem eßt er ken Kerbse meh. Wie er die Bauerei gekohft hot, hot er en Oi in jedem Hinkelstall gefunne un hot gesagt: „Es is ken Wunner, daß so viel Bauere zu nix kumme - sie zerstreue ihre Kräfte zu viel.“ Er nemmt alle die Oier un setzt en Hinkel damit. Des arm Hinkel hot acht Wochen druf gebrüht, aber nix kummt raus. Nau werd der Beecher wieder bös, loßt Nudelsupp von dem Hinkel mache und findt dann aus, daß es lauter verbrühte Nestoier wäre. Vielleicht war dem Mister Beecher sei größte Fehlschlag sei Versuch, Aeppelschnitz zu rähse. Er hot $4500 werth gepflanzt, awer net en ehnziger Schnitz is ufgange. Er weeß heut noch net, was mit dene Schnitz leß war. | One of Mr. Beecher's greatest difficulties is that so many of the seeds looks the same. Two years ago he wanted to make a big speculation with watermelons and planted 57 fields, but when they came up, it was all pumpkins. Beecher got really angry and since then he has not eaten pumpkin again. When he bought the farm, he found an egg in every henhouse and said: “It's no wonder that so many farmers don't get anything done - they're dissipating their energy too much.” So he takes all the eggs and puts them under one chicken. The poor little hen is sitting on them for eight weeks, but nothing hatches. Then Mr. Beecher gets angry again, makes noodle soup from the chicken and finds out that all of the eggs were nest eggs. Mr. Beecher's biggest failure was perhaps his attempt to grow apple trees from apple slices. He planted $4500 worth, but not a single sprout came up. He still doesn't know what was wrong with the apple slices. |
| Dem Mister Beecher sei Buch-Bauerei macht net viel Geld, un es wär profitlicher, wann er sie weglehne däht, awer es will net geh. Die Ursach davon is, daß er noch dem Buch gebauert hawe will. - Niemand will seller Weg bauere, ausgenommen, er werd bezahle davor. Der beste Weg wär vielleicht, die ganz Bauerei jedes Johr mit ehm Ding nauszumache - ein Johr mit Schnitz, ehn Johr mit Wassermelone un ehn Johr mit Bohnenstecke. Oder lauter Welschkorn naus mache un Säu rehse, sell däht am beste Bezahle, wie der obige Fall beweist. Wie der Beecher des Buchbauerei ahgefange hot, war er noch net weit gewest, awer sei Ausdauer hot ihn uf der Weg gebracht, wo es schnell vom Reichthum zur Armuth geht.“ | Mr. Beecher's book-farming doesn't make much money, and it would be more profitable if he would simply lease it out, but that won't work. The reason being that he still wants to farm by the book. - Nobody wants to farm this way, unless they are being paid for it. Perhaps the best way would be to do all the year's farming with just one thing - one year with apples, one year with watermelons, and one year with beans. Or to make it all corn and pigs, which would pay the best, as the above case proves. When Beecher started his farming business, he hadn't gotten very far yet, but his perseverance took him on a road that quickly leads from riches to poverty.” |
| So schreibt der Mark Twain, awer ich glaab, daß er ehns von dene Kerls is, wo der Wohret alsemol heftige Ohrfeige gebe. Awer ich will nix gesagt hawe. (Hum.) | That's what Mark Twain writes, but I think he's one of those guys who usually gives truth a good slap in the face. But I really don't want to say anything on that. (Hum.) |
