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• 1 2022-08-02T11:42:29-07:00 Lesbians and Queerness 14 plain 2023-04-20T06:05:27-07:00 For as long as lesbians have been active in the queer community, there has been disagreement over what it means to be one.
  As a consequence of being marginalized isolated and looked over, some lesbian communities have developed a tendency to snap back against calls for change from outside the immediate community. This tendency has, at times, led to lashing out against other aspects of queerness, especially transness, creating schisms in the community and discourse across generations. Here are some misconceptions that lesbians have faced across history, along with responses to them.
  
  Lesbians just haven't met the right man yet: This myth is particularly egregious as it runs directly counter to what it means to be a lesbian. Being a lesbian isn't about dating a woman instead of a man, but rather dating a woman without regards to men's involvement whatsoever. To suggest that lesbians haven't met the right man yet presupposes that a lesbian is looking for a masculine role to be filled but in absence of a man is substituting in a woman and fundamentally misunderstands lesbian relationships. 
  
  
  Lesbians Hate Men: Many lesbians have been given many good reasons to be distrustful and avoidant of men, but the lesbian identity isn't based around a hatred of men, but rather a centralization of women and emphasis on the ability to exist and form relationships without the involvement of men. In lesbian relationships, men for the most part, just aren't relevant outside of the context of when men put themselves into lesbian spaces and discourse. In a patriarchal world, the deliberate act of disengagement from men is often perceived as hostility towards them and in labeling that disengagement as hate, patriarchy inserts itself contributing to homophobia.
  Lesbians are only women who love women: While the majority of the time lesbians are women who love women, 'lesbian' like any other queer term is a label that is used by people to describe their experiences. There is a long history of lesbians who identify as men, or even just use he/him pronouns, but still feel linked to the lesbian community and the word itself. Sometimes people's gender experience exists outside of the confines of womanhood but their sexuality still exists within the confines of lesbianism, and while not every lesbian has to be attracted to them, they still exist within the community and are vital to its existence and history.
  
  Lesbians only love women: So right off the bat, as established previously, not every lesbian identifies as a woman. That being said, even within the lesbian community there have and always will be lesbians who also identify as bisexual but nonetheless feel as if their experiences of sexuality are best described by the word lesbian. Whether they've dated men in the past, or are deciding to date a specific man, the only thing that guarantees someone is a lesbian is if they identify as such.
  Lesbians have to be Butch or Femme: Butch and femme roles are based in an old understanding of how lesbian women and queer people presented for purposes of visibility in the 20th century. While the roles have faded in and out of popularity over the years, a recurrent myth overemphasizes these roles as mandates for how lesbians are required to look/act and who in the community they're required to date. This varies from mandating butch/femme couples to butch/butch femme/femme couples, but ultimately sexuality is fluid and no one should feel obligated to mold themselves to fit an identity.
  Trans Women can't be lesbians/are invading lesbian spaces: Certain contingents of the lesbian community feel very strongly about the role that trans women play in the lesbian community and often will actively misgender them to present them as masculine threats invading the community, or not real women. This has been a recurrent argument throughout recorded lesbian history despite not being based on any reality other than disgust, fear, and hatred. Trans people can be bi, straight, or gay just like any other person. Their existence is not a threat to people of the same sexuality.