Etiquette for Americans by a Woman of Fashion is an etiquette manual published in Chicago in 1898 by Herbert S. Stone & Company. The author is anonymous, and her identity was kept carefully concealed. This book guides men and women on proper behavior, as it was viewed in 1898, and contains etiquette advice on a variety of topics, including weddings, funerals, table manners, and invitations. Though the author’s identity is not known, her voice and personality come through strongly and sometimes humorously in her writing, and she gives her opinion very decidedly. For example, she asserts that gifts to a bride are her private property and should be marked with her initial and not her family surname, and she suggests that men who spit should go and live in the woods with the beasts. 

Of course, this book sheds light on what behavior was considered acceptable for women at the time, which can be seen in many of the etiquette rules she is attempting to socially enforce. This enforcement can be seen in the section entitled “Rules for Unmarried Women.” In this chapter, the author acknowledges that women are “hemmed about with many restrictions” their entire lives (197). She argues that many women are glad to be “protected and guarded,” but does say that, if a woman can bear criticism, she is justified in choosing to “strut about independently” (197).

In this example, and others in the book, the author simultaneously seeks to protect and respect women while also restricting them, as can be seen through the suggested rules for introducing a man to a woman (32-33). The author states that forcing a woman to accept a man’s acquaintance is rude because it “is mean to take advantage of the helpless,” and, yet, these rules affirm the power of men to control the interaction and paint the woman as a helpless victim. These contradictions in how women are seen and what is expected of them in society can still be seen today, much to the frustration of many who experience it, as shown, for example, in America Ferrera’s monologue in the Barbie movie. The dissatisfaction created by the many contradictions imposed on women seems to be an experience shared by women for generations.