Script by Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping

This one is meant for Starbucks, in a neighborhood where the Devil’s cafes are clustering. How many of the Stop Shopping pious for this Action? – 4 or 5 up to a dozen or more. This is the emergency: Placelessness. The latte sipper looks up to see a person on a cell phone who is frantically lost, frowning, looking out windows. “But you said Starbucks at Astor Place, and here I am. No I’m not angry. I look forward to meeting you. You looked real wonderful on the Internet, uh… and I spent an hour on the subway too… so, where are you? Starbucks at Astor Place. Well so am I! Well, there’s more than one? Oh. Well, go to the window and look out and wave. Do you see me? I don’t see you. Maybe… maybe… Look, I’ll go outside and jump up and down until someone comes by and stops me and maybe that’ll be you.”

Then a second and a third person on cell phones, just a few feet away, are shouting, “I’m at the Starbucks now! Where are you! What? I’m at the Starbucks. Are you here?” Obviously, it is wonderful to have lots and lots of people lost, asking about other Starbucks, getting directions to other Starbucks, going up to people at their lattes and asking “ARE YOU MY DATE?” or “ARE YOU MY DATE AND ARE YOU CHANGING YOUR MIND?” or “HAVE YOU SEEN A REDHEAD WITH BANGS AND A TATTOO THAT SAYS HILDEGARDE?”

Nice touch: Later, the redhead that has that tattoo shows up asking for the person who just left. It’s a “Who’s On First” routine.

Note: Placelessness mixes in with identity problems in this Action, because if you don’t know where you are, eventually you don’t know who you are.

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