Stories were traumatizing

A professional social worker, Gwen provided mental health services for soldiers and civilians in Iraq. Listening to trauma had become her routine over decades in civilian work. She thought she could cope, and she enjoyed working with soldiers. In hindsight, listening to agonizing experiences in one of the most violent war zones in recent history was highly traumatizing.

Gwen would work with soldiers who suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, marital or relationship problems. People with PTSD were mainly soldiers, who had three or four deployments behind them in a short period of time. “It was stories that soldiers would tell me about things they saw that were conflicting with their moral values,” Gwen asserts. 

She gave cognitive therapy to soldiers who began to hate their Iraqi counterparts. Many of these soldiers were unable to accept that Iraqis wanted U.S. troops to cooperate with them. “I tried to help them understand that maybe Iraqis were put in the situation where their families’ lives were at stake if they didn’t work both ways. Instead of a person, you can hate the situation. Many soldiers felt nothing but contempt for these people they worked with. By night some of these people would be lobbying rockets at us and by day coming to base to work as contractors. And yet, I saw heroic soldiers with high moral standards and high discipline. They really wanted to believe in the values of the Army and ethics.”

Gwen became angry about the rampant bullying and harassment she observed in the camp. She saw soldiers being bullied by fellow soldiers or the officers, with no chance to quit their jobs. There were victims of sexual assaults, and people who did not fit in with the group who were often being singled out for harassment. 

“You have raised your right hand and sworn the oath. You can go to prison, if you desert. Can you imagine a 19–20 year old thinking, ‘I have six more years of this, every day terrorized and picked on?’ That really made me angry,” she says.

Gwen was also angry that young, exhausted, distressed soldiers were not given enough rest. “When they were not out on the road or convoy, they had to do administrative work,” she says.

Gwen was caught between a rock and a hard place. Because of the military's manpower needs, her combat stress team was under pressure from above not to evacuate soldiers for mental health concerns. “It was like psychological autopsy. You were not supposed to return people home, but you were not to let them kill themselves either. It was very difficult.” she sighs.

Gwen experienced her worst fear. One of her patients did kill himself. She kept on asking herself if she could have prevented the suicide. The military investigation unsettled her even more. She kept combing the files wondering if the therapy had affected the soldier. 

Gwen started to feel afraid of soldiers carrying weapons, feeling she was not proficient enough to treat them. “I wanted to write profiles to take their weapons away even if they had a hint of depression. Everybody is armed. You have your weapon and ammunition all the time. Just knowing how many people were distressed, angry, depressed, hurting, losing their wives and children and they were all walking around armed. They could hurt themselves or the others.”

One month after Gwen returned home, these fears became reality. “The unit that took over the combat stress team after I left had a soldier come in and kill five people in the waiting room. That really shook me up. I thought, I was right to be worried,” she says.

Gwen also remembers the loneliness and boredom during the short downtime. “I didn’t have any support. People I work with in civilian life are like a family. There I didn’t know anyone.  I was just thrown in,” she says.

Gwen believes that women felt the need to perform better than men to get recognition. Women would have to go everywhere with a buddy for fear of sexual harassment. Gwen considered this a hassle but also as a protective factor for women. “Females enjoyed a lot of attention. It was fun for some, but very hard for others,” she says.