Rape, verbal insults in ranks

She was placed in an all-male unit, working with five sergeants and corporals along with male officers next door. The days were long and training was hard. But the problems started almost immediately, with verbal abuse escalating into a brutal rape.

Daniela finds the past experiences so painful she does not want to speak about it on video or reveal her name. But she feels strongly that she needs to speak because of the many other victims like her in the military. The nastiness began with demeaning comments from male colleagues who would laugh when she didn't match a male soldier’s strength in physical training. It took a toll on her resilience. She started getting sick and having hip problems. Regardless of her pain, she was forced to run and  train. But Daniela persisted in thinking that she had to have staying power, because she is a tough Marine Corps soldier.

But the abuse got worse, finally resulting in a grievous rape by a member in her team. “It ruined a lot. I had experienced child abuse, and I was raped when I was little. So for it to happen to me again just pushed me down. My self-esteem was lowered. I felt I had nowhere to go and no one to help me. When I asked for help, they told me to stop crying,” she sighs.

The system of military rank proved to be an insurmountable barrier in her quest for help. ”I could not put my voice in. That is what a lot of women would tell you. You can’t defend yourself, because of the rank structure and its respect,” she says. Daniela believes that in the Marine Corps a woman cannot  complain if a higher ranking officer abuses her, unlike in civilian life. Complaints are viewed as unnecessary dramatics and not taken seriously.

She kept on looking for help within the Marine Corps. She was given medication, but when it didn’t help, she was allowed to go to counseling, where she explained what happened. But instead of help for her sexual trauma, she was sent to an alcohol rehabilitation program, because she admitted she was drinking. 

“Alcohol was not my issue. It was just an outlet for my problems,” she says. Daniela was drinking daily to find comfort in her agony, starting in the morning: She claimed to her colleagues that her medication made her drowsy. She felt she could not control her feelings. She burst into tears easily. She didn’t dare to tell her husband, who was stationed elsewhere. “I was too embarrassed. I thought it was partly my fault.”

Her husband thought she had become a compeletely different person. She finally told him about her experiences when she was leaving the military. He was appalled, saying that she should have not tolerated joking about her private parts. “I wish I could have said something, but the rank structure made it impossible to complain,” she says.

The perpetrator of the rape was demoted after the incident, but Daniela says that he was soon promoted again. 
She did not have the strength to push for further punishment. When I ask her why she didn’t file charges against the man who raped her, tears fill her eyes. “I already felt embarrassed. I already felt I was nothing, and the fact that something like this already happened to me made me think that I had asked for it. I should have known better”, she whispers.

Daniela believes the women in the Army have a mountain to climb. “It is very challenging being a woman in the military, because you are trying to present yourself at the same standards as a male. They are physically stronger. If you make a female pick up a fifty-pound bag compared to a guy, he is going to do it easily. And if you need help, in civilian life you can ask for help.” In the military, Daniela says, it proved impossible.