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Holy Terrors

Latin American Women Perform

Diana Taylor, Alexei Taylor, Authors
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Strip

Griselda Gambaro

By Griselda Gambaro

Translated by Marguerite Feitlowitz

Characters

Woman

Young Man

On the set, a table with magazines, a chair, a small armchair.


The WOMAN enters. Pretensions of elegance, skirt to mid-calf, blouse and a short cape. She is wearing earrings and expensive, but worn, high heels. She is carrying an ordinary handbag and a large envelope with her photos. She speaks facing front, smiling:


WOMAN: I know, I know I'm early. But I'm in no rush, I'll wait. Thank you! (To herself) Idiots. Why do they bother setting appointments? They use your time as though it belonged to them. (Looks around) They could have a different set-up here, with all the money they make. Stingy bastards.


(She leaves her purse and the envelope on the table. Takes off the cape. Doubts. Puts it back on. Takes a few steps, considers, removes the cape. She folds it and places it on the armchair. Doubts. Drapes it over the back of the chair. She opens her purse, takes out her mirror, looks at herself.)


What eyes. One look and they fall to my feet. (Thinks, sighs) Well, not all of them now...(Keeps holding the mirror) Anyway, the pictures don't show the lines, or the miseries...You're lying. The pictures that bastard took of me! He hated me. (A low, little laugh) I didn't pay for them. He deserved it. Forget the crow's feet, I came out a crow.


(She looks at the armchair and then at the chair, unsure as to where to sit. She chooses the armchair)


But if I show up without pictures, they'll think I...came in off the street. They're awful, but they'll do: I've brought the original. (She laughs) When a person like me comes with bad pictures it's practically good that they're bad, it points up the differences. I come out ahead. (Suddenly disconcerted) Right? "But, is that you in these pictures? They're not very flattering! No one would say that this girl...(caving in) this woman...is you. My, how you've changed!" (She remains abstracted for a moment. Suddenly stands up) I hope Joey doesn't come home early. I didn't leave him anything to eat, and he's so particular! Everything must be ready, everything must be just so. As though I were his servant. I don't know why I put up with it. (Sincerely) I love him, that must be it....


(The YOUNG MAN enters. His behavior is impersonal, as though he were dealing with objects--including the WOMAN--of no interest to him. Without noticing that the WOMAN is smiling, looking at him suggestively, he approaches the table after spotting the envelope there, takes the envelope, and exits.)


How rude! He could have asked for it! I hope they pay attention to the ones that flatter me, which ones flatter me? Practically all of them, I think. I was thinner then, no belly. (Sucks in her stomach. Acid laugh) No belly, but crow's feet! Why did I bring these old pictures? All yellowed... To show I was someone else, without wrinkles, open. They'll see...how I've aged. I'm nervous, how dumb. Everything went wrong for me. Even Joey. Poor bastard.


(The YOUNG MAN enters. She smiles instantly)


So? What did they think? Nice, aren't they? (With a gesture left unfinished) Did they notice the one by the sea, where I have my hand....


(The YOUNG MAN stops a moment, takes the wide way around her and exits on the opposite side. She's left astonished, open-mouthed. She composes herself.)


A go-fer. I always make the same mistake. I think just anyone is worth the trouble. Anyone decently dressed...I never learn! Too anxious. And what's called for is...(can't find the word) condescension.


(She smiles. Sits, crosses her legs, finds an attractive position. Hardens in the pose. Drops it. Opens her purse, searches.)


I don't have my cigarettes. What a pain. Maybe I should go get some...No, don't move. Others might come and I'd lose my turn. What could I say, I'm next? "Fuck off," they'd tell me. I could call an errand boy and get him to...(Shrinks) But then how do I tell him I smoke the cheapest brand? And...and I'd have give him a tip.


(The YOUNG MAN enters. She notices a second later. Quickly, she arms herself with her smile and elegant pose. The YOUNG MAN is looking for something, he ignores her. He spots the cape, takes it and carries it off. She looks at him amazed, then stands up.)


What are you doing? How dare you? (She follows him anxiously) Do you need it? Don't ruin it, please! It isn't mine!


(The YOUNG MAN stops and observes her)


Of course it's mine, of course it is. I only said that so you'd be careful. Fold it, like so.


(Timidly, she takes the cape from the YOUNG MAN, folds it, and gives it back to him.)


It's still elegant. Very much in style. My friend always lends it to me. (Corrects herself) I always lend it to her. As though it were mine. Elegant, isn't it? What do you need it for?


(The YOUNG MAN leaves without answering)


Idiot! Why did I apologize? Why did I explain? I will never learn to keep my mouth shut! I ought to cut out my tongue! I myself put it in his hands! It's all right, calm down, a little gentility won't turn them against me. On the contrary. I'm sure the director asked for it. He'll want to know how I'm dressed, what he'll be working with. A cape, not just anyone wears a cape. (Contented, she hums, very badly.)


Come, my heart is calling


Although my hopes are falling


Come, my dear I need you


If only (hoarsely) I could see you...


I sing so badly. And what a shame. It would be another asset. They gladly pay to have their ears greased. (Hums briefly) Except Joey will never let me sing. "Quiet, I've heard better horns on a car!" Frustrated, Joey is. Won't dance to the music, or let others...dance to the music. I wonder if he's home yet. When will these people attend to me! After eleven o'clock, as though they didn't have to get up in the morning. What time can it be? I could ask. What's to lose? (Dignified) "Do you have the hour, please." (Answers) "Don't you have a watch?" (Insecure) I don't know what kind of impression that would make: not having a watch. They might think I'm some poor unfortunate. Like Joey, all you have to do is look at him and your soul drops to your feet. Poor man. He has no sparkle. I didn't iron his shirt, didn't leave him anything to eat. He's going to scream to high heaven. "What good are you if I can't even have a clean shirt?" As though that's what I was born for...


(Exhausted. Suddenly she opens her purse, takes out her mirror, looks at herself, touches her cheek)


No, you can't see it. What a blow that bastard gave me. Practically did me in. All black and blue.


(She sits. Nervously, she applies a great deal of powder to her cheek. Holds the mirror at a distance, looks at herself)


They'll think I don't know how to do my make-up. (She rubs her face. Looks at herself, disconsolate) What a mess! But people don't search your face for bruises, they look in your eyes, searching for who you are and with these eyes...(laughs) I've won the battle! I've still got a pair of eyes that... When that creep comes back, I'll look at him like this (a supposedly coquettish look), seductively and...knock him dead. "Ever see a look like this, you little brat?" No, don't say a word. No familiarity, no risk. (The YOUNG MAN enters) But I can ask if they liked the pictures and...(Crosses her legs, smiles. Lifts her skirt a little, swings her leg. Tries to give him an intense look. In spite of herself:) Where's the cape? (He doesn't answer) Bring me the cape, please.


(He goes to her, takes the shoe she was swinging from the end of her foot, and leaves with it. She's totally disconcerted for a moment, but quickly gets to her feet and follows him)


What nerve! Come back here! How can they allow this?


(He exits, as though he hadn't heard her, leaving her absolutely perplexed)


What if they call me now? What do I tell them? That I was sitting there swinging my leg and he took my...? And what if he isn't there? What if he's in the bathroom? "I let him take my shoe, sir." It's too ridiculous! What does he take me for? No. I'm going to ask for it back.


(She limps toward the door. Stops, looks at herself and tucks in her blouse. She comes back, takes her purse, goes toward the other door and collides with the YOUNG MAN)


Give me my shoe! I insist. They're new. I bought them to come here. And they cost me plenty! No. It doesn't matter. I have others, but at home. Does the director really need...to see my shoes? They're not all that fine, but...I liked them, bought them on a whim. You shouldn't think that normally I wear this kind of shoe. I have better ones, suede, pumps, sandals. I can give you these. They're not worth anything. Not now of course. But tomorrow I can bring them to you. (Without conviction, painfully) You must have a little girlfriend and...you want to...I understand. But you understand that I can't go barefoot, don't you? Except if Wardrobe has other shoes and they want me to wear them because they would go better with...(Unmoving, the YOUNG MAN looks at her) Fine, you decide. That's why I'm here. (Humbly) Tell the director to see me.


(The YOUNG MAN reaches toward her face as though to caress her. Although the action itself shows no emotion, she takes it for an unexpected gesture of friendship. She watches him, unsettled and in suspense. The YOUNG MAN keeps his hand immobile and then brusquely pulls off her earring. She cries out)


What are you're doing! You hurt me! (The YOUNG MAN leaves) If Joey were here! Joey! No, why did I scream? Serenity. He could have pulled off my ear. And what if they were gold! Eh? If they were gold? They'll realize they're fake. They look real, though. They could fool you. At least I should have told him that the real ones are at home or at the bank, in my safety deposit. But why don't they come out here and look at all of me? When it's my turn, the first thing I'm going to say is: That employee of yours is a brute, a brute with no manners. In my day...work was done...differently. Employees obeyed. None of this do-as-you-like, treat-people-like-garbage. Well not me, he won't. He's met his match. Serenity. They're testing you, Honey. Testing to see how far...Madam, they'll say, you are amazingly serene. We congratulate you. (Perplexed) But what do they need with serenity? I can act, I know how to move, no role is too big, or too small. And with the way I photograph! Even if they mess up the lights, my face is naturally luminous, my skin....(She takes off her remaining earring, goes to put it in her purse. Unsure, she puts it back on) They don't know what they'll be losing, if they don't take me! I have so many ideas! When he comes back, I'm going to tell him, ideas blossom in me like flowers. Joey admires that. (doing Joey) "Honey, you've got some imagination!" Another advantage in this job: they give me a script and I make it shine. People are such slaves! But me! I fly! That story about the millionaire, you remember, Honey? The girl was going to marry a poor man because they, the idiots, thought love conquers all. With money love conquers better. So like an arrow I fly to the director, I know so much about life, and I tell him: No, she marries the millionaire, he leaves everything to be with her--house, family, position, everything, except his millions. And afterward they forgive her, his mother forgives her, calls her `my little girl,' and when the grandchildren come! (Sighs softly) What a hit I was. The director gave me a kiss and said, "Honey, you're a gem!' That was the last time I was a gem for anyone. I remember how it was before, just a fluke I didn't land in the movies, a little bad luck. I did ingenues, girls in love. Until I got this "stoneface." The girls in the neighborhood would look from me to the magazine, from me to the magazine, and die laughing. Sluts! From ingenues to now...nothing. A few crumbs from Joey, a little love.


(The YOUNG MAN enters, looks at her)


So you're back! Well? I'm waiting. Give me back my things! Everything! And you practically...tore off my ear! If you ruin, or lose, that cape, I'll...you'll know what I'm about! That cape cost a lot, and...it isn't even mine! Bring it to me, now! What are you? A bunch of crooks? What is this place? A den of thieves?


(The YOUNG MAN turns to leave)


Get over here, you little...! Answer me!


(The YOUNG MAN stops and looks at her. A pause. SHE is disarmed)


I didn't mean to say that. I...I got carried away. You could be more polite, I'm not trying to be difficult, so why the abuse? I've been waiting patiently, you can see that. When it comes to work I can wait for as long as they like, time means nothing to me, I'll lend you the cape, yes, I'll lend it to you! but...when the director calls me, I want to be...


er skirt)


What do you want? You're insane! I'll scream. Get out!


(The YOUNG MAN turns and leaves)


But what...(Gets herself in check) Oh my God, what have I done? I threw him out. Now what? I'm a fool to lose my head like that. Always the same. Always a disaster, I can never control my temper... But why didn't they tell me they would need a...I don't know, a...a model. Fine, I have no objections! Work is...work, one must be...flexible. It's all right. They need a...model... But not naked! A model, not a... Oh, I can still show a little a leg. (She does so) But if Joey ever saw me. "Careful what you do, Honey. Bring me the pictures." It's easy for him to make demands. A dishrag...well not me so much, at least I still get some respect. I was right to yell at him. What do they think? That I have no backbone, that they can walk all over me? (Smiles) I remember that time, when Joey had beat me up so bad I couldn't get out of bed, the neighbors called the police and I said, `Nothing happened here, I fell down the stairs.' (Laughs) That's what they get for butting in! Joey came and gave me a kiss. If I'd accused him, poor Joey! How humiliating! For him, for me. (She's distracted for a moment) For me, humiliated already, letting myself be hit. (Pause. Hums.) Now magazines, that's a step up. The pay is better, that's for sure. (Sings and dances clumsily) If Joey sees, he'll slaughter me! (Laughs) I'll give him the name of some other magazine, he'll buy it, and not to worry. I won't be there. But what if it's postcards... Naked, no way! He'd murder me. He wants me to do the lady, the housewife, the mother of young girls. The grandmother! He never wanted me to pose naked, always checked my necklines, and now he's got a good excuse. (Laughs caustically) "You're too wrinkled to pose nude." Jerk. Why does he have to know? I can lie, to protect him... (Suddenly opens her purse) I need more make-up. What I'm wearing is too subtle and my skin is already...I'll come out all pale, anaemic. (Makes up, roughly) What do I do about these bags? These blotches? They could take some proofs already and be done with it! What do they want? How am I supposed to behave? (Shrinks) Where do they tell you how to behave? Where?


(The YOUNG MAN enters. Rapidly, she puts everything in her purse, closes it. Stands, smiles)


Forgive me. I was nervous. What time is it? No, it doesn't matter, I already told you. I can do any kind of role. I thought it was something more serious, well not serious. More in keeping with my age, not my age, my experience... I also dance! Sing, no! (Laughs) But, one doesn't sing in photographs, one doesn't...


(The YOUNG MAN approaches, tries to rip off her skirt)


What are you doing! Get away! (She resists) What are you trying to do? Let go! I'm telling you to let go!


(She moves away. Undaunted, the YOUNG MAN points to her skirt.)


Stop yanking things from me! Don't they teach you manners? Ask me for what you need. Who do you think I am? You could be nicer...more...delicate... What would it cost you? It wouldn't cost you anything. You simply say...the director is busy, he needs to know how you're dressed in order to decide if it's worth...if right this minute he can...if you should wait. And I would give it to you! Everyone has his own way of working. I don't know... Maybe your way is...faster, mor you don't get anything. Believe me... But then I don't get anything either. (Low) What does it cost...


(She looks at herself, closes her blouse. Tries to be jocular)


Now don't go thinking I'm...temperamental. What's happened is I've been out of training. (Looks at her legs) To keep in trim, that's the important thing. Docile. If I just had my cigarettes. (Sits up straight) Smoking looks good. It's chic. I'll have to send the cape to the cleaners, after so many paws have gone over it. If I give it back stained, she won't lend it to me anymore.


(She takes off her shoe, rubs her foot, puts her shoe back on)


God, they pinch! (Acerbic laugh) They're at least a size too small. Let's see if they lose the other one. No, surely they'll bring more elegant ones from Wardrobe. I'll show them there's no role one can't face if one has...talent. (Walks, laughs) All I have left is talent. When I act for Joey, he's always amazed. "Do me the ingenue, Honey."


(Looks down, acts)


"No, sir, no sir! Mother won't let me talk with strangers. What are your intentions?"


(Laughs. Looks down, falsely modest. Rocks pathetically. Stops moving.)


They want a model. What a shame. With the ingenue experience I have! I should have studied dance. If I'd known that was the ticket, I would have learned. I'm always missing the boat. I'll probably be late to my own funeral! (Acid laugh) Who knows! Maybe that'll be my lucky day. They'll have the hole all ready and waiting, and I'll fail to show up. Joey will get upset. "Honey, it's always the same! I wasted all that energy crying! Willya die already!" (Laughs) And he'd be right. I should make the occasion, for once in my life. What was I expecting? That they'd call me for an ingenue? Not even if were reborn could I be an ingenue...but I was an ingenue, everything we do leaves its trace, right? Joey will come home hungry, I should have left him an omelette. I shouldn't get so scared about work, they'll play music, they'll be nice. Will I be alone? Or will be there other girls? Younger, prettier...(Smiles, with difficulty) Competition. Why would they pick me? Why...me? A...an old lady who isn't even in trim? Wrinkled and...knock-kneed. And I threw him out! He had no reason to be offended, if people talk, dialogue, they get along. I wonder if he understood that? Was I clear? How could I be, in the face of such impertinence! I should have told him my ideas about movement. A model has to dance, wink, shake her bottom. I just got another brilliant idea! I'll leave them with their mouths open. After all, he can't complain about me. I myself put the cape into his hands, and the skirt. And if he'd said he wanted the earrings, well then, the earrings too! A savage. I'm accustomed to being treated differently. So I yelled. Why are they taking so long? A go-fer, that's what he is. None too nice, but then niceness doesn't pay the bills. With him insolence must be a habit. Of course, they think that with their two feet on the ground they won't fall. They don't want a model, maybe they want a wh...a prostitute. Well, so what! Posing as one doesn't make you one. They'll say, "Lady of leisure." And if that isn't it...they'll have another idea. They'll tell me. It doesn't matter. They make the contract, they take the pictures, they make sure the work comes out. Me, they give me a few directions, the script, and off I go! With my talent, my willingness. I can do anything--mothers, crazies, sweethearts, grandes dames. Joey will be waiting, I should have left him an omelette...They'll have me do a mother, then a grandmother, and then they'll realize that I'm young, and can do the young girl in love or the ingenue...


(She takes off her shoe, slowly rolls down her stockings)


And then...then...


(The YOUNG MAN enters and takes away the little table)


When he comes back, I'll look at him with these eyes of mine... He still hasn't noticed my eyes, but when he does, he'll be dazzled. And I'll tell him my imagination is inexhaustible. I take a script and make it shine, if they let me...I round it out. In this scene, I could give daddy a kiss, and then, I'm nude... and yet it's all...very tender, very moving. I have to act natural, innocent. (Tries to laugh) Innocence is the last thing you lose! When you have it, and I still do, no work is undignified. Work is what's visible, what's outside, but inside... How must one be on the inside to do certain kinds of work? One has to be broken, or dead. But not me! Inside, I'm flowers! A child swinging in a hammock, as from a gallows, because I'm...happy. They'll have a good time with me, and that's already something, isn't it? Poor guys... all alone. Of course they don't lay a hand on you, in this kind of work no one gets...humiliated. Or turned on. They're so...used to it all. A woman they just photograph, alone or...accompanied, with children or old folks. I'll be the madam or...they'll put a beautiful young girl in bed and I...I'll be the mirror, the mirror where everything ends... No, no! I'm still good for...still beauti...(Laughs. Claps her hand over her mouth) No, come now, I mustn't get down. What's with you, Honey? Get up on the wrong side of the bed? Where's your will to work? I can still...please... I can still make them crazy. They'll pay me well. For poses...that are agreeable. And there'll be a heater so one won't feel the cold...


(She sits down on the chair, and pathetically provocative, unbuttons her blouse, spreads her collar, opens her legs. The YOUNG MAN comes in and takes away the armchair. She doesn't move, follows him with wide-open eyes and a stereotypical smile. Cheerfully:)


I'm waiting!


(The smile petrifies, she bows her head, bursts into tears)


Joey!


END

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