The War Inside Me
CHEYENNE TRENT
Breathe in...
Breathe out...
Don’t let those thoughts come about.
Breathe out...
Breathe in...
Don’t let the doubt crawl under your skin.
Subdue those painful memories inside,
Count to four and then rewind;
Breathe out as you keep up with time.
Whatever you do,
Don’t let it win!
Most of all,
Don’t forget,
To breathe in.
I wish I could control my fear,
Like a dog on a leash.
I could tell it when to sit,
Stay still,
Then heel,
And release.
I’d have it in check through every stage,
I wouldn’t have to beg for it to behave,
But instead of a dog on a leash,
My fear is a wild beast!
My fear drags me through the dirt,
It doesn’t care if I’m hurt.
My fear tightens its hold on me,
Like a blanket over my face,
I’m suffocating!
This is the struggle I cannot flee.
This is the battle that you do not see.
This is the war inside of me.
I read about brave heroes,
Wishing for a knight who could save me.
Someone who could battle these demons,
That I face on the daily.
Still hoping to find,
A light to guide my way,
Like a lantern in my hand,
Navigating the fog inside my brain.
Sadly, there is no running from this beast,
Nipping at my heels,
It’s catching up to me!
This is the monster that makes me stay,
As though binding me in heavy chains;
These are the memories that plague my brain.
Haunting my dreams,
Frightening me,
Pretending they’re more than what they seem!
Creating lies,
Invading my thoughts,
They continue to pry,
24/7 in my mind.
This is the struggle I cannot flee.
This is the battle that you do not see.
This is the war inside of me.
The first person I told hides in my mirror,
She smiles for me every time I see her.
Mouthing to me,
“You’ll be alright.”
Having faith in me,
To make it through one more night.
I wish I could listen to what she has to say,
Just for once in my life,
I want to hear,
“It’s going to be okay.”
I wish her voice would ring in my ears,
The words of encouragement I need to hear,
From the woman beyond the mirror.
I tried telling my family,
They don’t understand.
They just tell me it’s all inside of my head.
“Stop complaining, you don’t have it so bad!”
They say, “Toughen up!”
I shouldn’t let it get to me.
I try lying to myself,
“It’s just an illusion.”
But still I’m not free.